Today is better...mainly b/c I haven't received a phone call from Mom's place. John and I agreed that he should call and check on her, get their story, see if I am banned from the place (I should be so lucky). So far so good. I'm sure she is very busy, as that is just Mom - hopefully they will continue to get to know her and be able to handle any future challenges...as I am going home TOMORROW! John and I agreed that there wasn't much else I can do, and since we want the staff at Mom's place to handle things and not rely on us...I am going home:) Yea and Praise God!
Yes, I am homesick, miss my dog and want my own house - but I will miss my brother and his family. This has been such a hard time, yet so blessed. I have bonded with my nieces, enjoyed my sister-in-law and supported my brother. What more can I ask? I have truly enjoyed my time here, felt part of my family in a way I have never felt before and will miss them...alot! Is it that I have grown up? or have just healed in a way that has opened me to their love? I have some ideas about all this, but truly? I don't know.
Several weeks ago, I came home and realized that I would never be what my family wanted me to be. I'm a Lesbian, I'm medical (holistic doesn't really matter), and I'm not married with kids at home. This really sets me apart...but I also don't want what they have. I like my life, who I am and what I am pursuing. Suddenly I realized that I am not supposed to be like them, nor them like me...and yet we can love each other. I had to grieve this loss and gain, but it was good in the end.
Then on this trip - my mother accused me of hitting and slapping her. John didn't believe her! I did not realize how big a deal this was. It feels like I have taken the blame for everything bad in my family...forever...and for my brother to believe in me...well, it was just huge. I tried to tell my sister-in-law, Julie, how much this meant to me, and I started crying. It was a big deal.
From the moment after John said he didn't believe my mother...I have had this deep-seated peace and joy. I have loved being with John and his family. We have tag-teamed when my mom was staying at his place...we have laughed together in stress-release at the end of the day, and we got her moved into a new, lovely place that will keep her safe and where the staff will come to care about her. I have been appreciated for who I am and the love I give, as I have also done for them. I cannot express how good it feels to be a part of my family...so good.
The icing on the cake? LOL - I experienced snowshoeing and found out how lovely it is to be out in the woods in winter -silent, cold and white. I went out today, in 12 inches of new powder! and I will go again tomorrow before I leave. It is lovely and was a new nature experience for me. Now I will be disappointed if I come visit and there is no snow. Well, in winter anyway...I am happy to experience flowers and birds in Boston. Maybe, I will even get to go whale watching in the spring:) I think the Blues migrate in the spring or early summer:) Wahoo:)
For all of you reading this and who have sent wonderful messages of support...thank you. I love you all.
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