So, I'm home from Ireland and Scotland. Yes, it is a rough life - certainly in St. Louis where it is 55 degrees hotter than it was across the pond! Anyway - so my new path is mythology. I am in love. Currently, I am reading Karen Armstrong's "A Short Story of Myth" and it is the coolest.
Oh - did I tell you that Pacifica invited me for an interview?? That means they are 90% sure they want me...and with my present level of excitement about mythology, I think they are going to want me. Besides the fact that I want them:) So yes, I got in the application, references and all, and they liked it! So Jules and I go out to Santa Barbara again, for my August 6 interview. We are also going to meet with the esteemed Stuart Jenkins to see how he might help Jules with the employment process, and with my cousin Meriam...b/c she also knows bunches of business sorts AND has a ranch in Paso Robles. In fact, Stuart and Meriam have offered to let us stay as often as we want! How awesome is that?
Anyway - back to myth. I am amazed and astounded how understanding a tiny portion of myth, gives me a completely different reading of the Bible! You know that line about coming from dust? It has always bothered me. I mean, comments like "you are no more than the dust under my feet"...or "she made me feel like dirt"...these are all sort of demeaning, wouldn't you say? but that "dust of the ground" line in Genesis is very different if read from the mythological meaning.
Ea was an original earth god in Mesopotamia and understand that the gods were inseperable from the landscape, from existence. They were not seperate entities. Well, Ea had a son, Marduk, and of course, there was a horrible battle and divine blood was spilled. Now you also have to know, that the gods were originally created from sacred, tho primordial "ooze"...so even the dust is sacred. Then Marduk takes the blood of the fallen gods, mixes it with dirt and "poof"! humans! So dirt isn't so bad! Divine actually:)
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Finally!
SO! Had to tell you all...I have begun my doctorate program at Pacifica Graduate Institute in Santa Barbara, CA...in MYTHOLOGY!! Is that not perfect?? I know - took me long enough:) Anyway - gonna be a lot of work, but mythology is awesome! It is the basis for all religion and goes into why we have religion in the first place. Truly - this is bliss. Well - with homework.
I can, of course, hear you all asking...what will you do with that? I hope to do workshops on roles in life. There is this veteran's program that I heard about, where the guys and gals coming back from Iraq and Afganistan go through a "Hero's Journey" and how healing it is. One guy said it saved his life. I want to find out more about that and then look into doing it with gay people or kids or whoever wants to! And if that doesn't work out - there's always teaching. Teaching mythology would be cool!
So the program is low-residency. I have to be out there 3 days a month, which works out to 5 days b/c of travelling. I have found airports and airplanes to be ok places to do homework. Who knew? Jules and Katie are very excited for me...Katie has a hard time gloating that she doesn't have to do homework, but I can give her some slack:) Jules is more than patient at listening to me talk about myth...and read my papers. She will certainly deserve a degree at the end of this as well!
My guess is that this blog will get less and less attention. It's already on the slow side compared to when I started it. It has served it's purpose though - truly been a therapeutic technique that I have enjoyed immensely. Thank you all so much for listening...check back once in a while - maybe I'll have more news at Christmas! There is a possibility happening in Provincetown (did I mention that Jules and I went there this summer??) so hopefully we will all stay connected.
I can, of course, hear you all asking...what will you do with that? I hope to do workshops on roles in life. There is this veteran's program that I heard about, where the guys and gals coming back from Iraq and Afganistan go through a "Hero's Journey" and how healing it is. One guy said it saved his life. I want to find out more about that and then look into doing it with gay people or kids or whoever wants to! And if that doesn't work out - there's always teaching. Teaching mythology would be cool!
So the program is low-residency. I have to be out there 3 days a month, which works out to 5 days b/c of travelling. I have found airports and airplanes to be ok places to do homework. Who knew? Jules and Katie are very excited for me...Katie has a hard time gloating that she doesn't have to do homework, but I can give her some slack:) Jules is more than patient at listening to me talk about myth...and read my papers. She will certainly deserve a degree at the end of this as well!
My guess is that this blog will get less and less attention. It's already on the slow side compared to when I started it. It has served it's purpose though - truly been a therapeutic technique that I have enjoyed immensely. Thank you all so much for listening...check back once in a while - maybe I'll have more news at Christmas! There is a possibility happening in Provincetown (did I mention that Jules and I went there this summer??) so hopefully we will all stay connected.
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Who Is God?
Does this seem like a good question for a seminary student to be asking or does it seem like I should have that answer all worked out? I've realized in the last few days, that good or bad...I don't know the answer. I think it has to do with changes. I've had one or two in the last few years.
First Mom and Dad moved to St Louis for a year, Mom had 4 surgeries (and yes, she was her usual pleasant and cooperative self...add in sardonic grin), Dad was diagnosed with Alzheimers (actually, they were both diagnosed with Alzheimers), Dad was on dialysis and oh - small things...Katie was a senior in high school and I was trying to run a company.
Then Mom and Dad moved back home (good for me, bad for them...Dad started wandering and falling, Mom was still Mom...) and the flights to Texas started. I think I travelled to Bovina or Lubbock over 30 times in 3 years.
Katie had started college (never did get to truly enjoy her senior year or grieve her leaving home), I moved my company to a new and improved location, sold my house in Ballwin and built one in Waterloo. My best friend was diagnosed with Lou Gehrigs and my dog died. Another good friend died of colon cancer and then Dad died. And that doesn't begin to describe the trauma.
I was raised in Christian Science, but left them when they emotionally kicked me out for being gay, went through the New Age movement, found MCC or the "gay church", and then left all of that. Found peace in gardening and being alone...and then found Diana's Grove. I'm not sure I'm into Paganism as much as I connected with the kindness and spiritual hunger of those at DG.
I sold my company (and Praise God truly for that!) and have had almost 2 years off. Now the last year has been spent exploring seminaries...but I am no closer to adopting a theology or creed. In fact, I'm not sure God is anything but a human construct and Jesus nothing but a bunch of stories based on several people and mythology. (my apologies to anyone I have totally offended)
Except that recently I was with a friend when she had a seizure and I prayed and "laid hands" on her. Her seizure was mild according to another friend and I felt a "presence" when I prayed...a comfort.
First Mom and Dad moved to St Louis for a year, Mom had 4 surgeries (and yes, she was her usual pleasant and cooperative self...add in sardonic grin), Dad was diagnosed with Alzheimers (actually, they were both diagnosed with Alzheimers), Dad was on dialysis and oh - small things...Katie was a senior in high school and I was trying to run a company.
Then Mom and Dad moved back home (good for me, bad for them...Dad started wandering and falling, Mom was still Mom...) and the flights to Texas started. I think I travelled to Bovina or Lubbock over 30 times in 3 years.
Katie had started college (never did get to truly enjoy her senior year or grieve her leaving home), I moved my company to a new and improved location, sold my house in Ballwin and built one in Waterloo. My best friend was diagnosed with Lou Gehrigs and my dog died. Another good friend died of colon cancer and then Dad died. And that doesn't begin to describe the trauma.
I was raised in Christian Science, but left them when they emotionally kicked me out for being gay, went through the New Age movement, found MCC or the "gay church", and then left all of that. Found peace in gardening and being alone...and then found Diana's Grove. I'm not sure I'm into Paganism as much as I connected with the kindness and spiritual hunger of those at DG.
I sold my company (and Praise God truly for that!) and have had almost 2 years off. Now the last year has been spent exploring seminaries...but I am no closer to adopting a theology or creed. In fact, I'm not sure God is anything but a human construct and Jesus nothing but a bunch of stories based on several people and mythology. (my apologies to anyone I have totally offended)
Except that recently I was with a friend when she had a seizure and I prayed and "laid hands" on her. Her seizure was mild according to another friend and I felt a "presence" when I prayed...a comfort.
Depression
It sucks. It just sits in your chest like a canon ball, weighing down and drowning any good ideas or possibilities. This isn't about my self-esteem so much, as it's about my being. This time it's organic, systemic, and just takes all the color out of life. Why now? Why won't it resolve? and what to do?
This damn diet - which I am no longer on, seems to have triggered the bastard. At first it was memories of Mom and Dad trying to take Katie. Then it was the stress around when Dad was dying, then it was remembering my family's response when we asked them to come to my wedding to Shari. Always plenty to be sad about...and let go of...and process. I'm ready for it to be gone.
That's the thing that sucks about depression. I feel so helpless caught in its jaws. Everyone tries to "cheer me up" or talk me out of it or tell me to "buck up and move on"...wouldn't that be nice? The truth is in my experience, is that it moves out when it's done. I see a therapist, I see a chiropractor who balances and stimulates and treats whatever comes up...I want to tell all the "buck up" people - "What else is it you want me to do?" Oh - they want me to just let it go. And wouldn't that be lovely?
Another truth is that I need to let it process to let it be cleaned out of my system. I don't want it to stay hidden and buried, I want it out! And I need a job, then these posts will actually be interesting, rather than whining.
This damn diet - which I am no longer on, seems to have triggered the bastard. At first it was memories of Mom and Dad trying to take Katie. Then it was the stress around when Dad was dying, then it was remembering my family's response when we asked them to come to my wedding to Shari. Always plenty to be sad about...and let go of...and process. I'm ready for it to be gone.
That's the thing that sucks about depression. I feel so helpless caught in its jaws. Everyone tries to "cheer me up" or talk me out of it or tell me to "buck up and move on"...wouldn't that be nice? The truth is in my experience, is that it moves out when it's done. I see a therapist, I see a chiropractor who balances and stimulates and treats whatever comes up...I want to tell all the "buck up" people - "What else is it you want me to do?" Oh - they want me to just let it go. And wouldn't that be lovely?
Another truth is that I need to let it process to let it be cleaned out of my system. I don't want it to stay hidden and buried, I want it out! And I need a job, then these posts will actually be interesting, rather than whining.
So, truly - do you have to be right? How about "heard"...what if you just don't agree? What happens then? What I said was, "I don't agree"...what I felt and expressed by myself was rage.
How can you not agree that people are equal??? The truth is that people don't agree...from their heart. Does one of us have to be shot? This is where the peace process hits the pavement. When we truly don't agree, on core issues, what do we do then?
How can you not agree that people are equal??? The truth is that people don't agree...from their heart. Does one of us have to be shot? This is where the peace process hits the pavement. When we truly don't agree, on core issues, what do we do then?
Monday, April 30, 2012
Waiting
Here's what happens when I wait too long to write...too much shit happens. I went to Eden Seminary for a day of classes...and didn't like it. So now what? Well, it's possible that Jules and I will start a company...I know, I know...actually, what do I know? Nothing. So, a little research about schools, alotta research about the possibility of this company (more later), and waiting.
Then Saturday, I spread mulch and Jules played golf with Kell. Small issue of a storm brewing, they got off the course a little late and as Jules was putting the clubs in the back of Kell's BMW Suv, softball hail started falling. Jules got in the car as quickly as she could, but still got hit on her back, the back of her thigh, both ankles...and then the glass in the rear window shattered. She was bleeding profusely from numerous cuts and Kell spent the first hour they were home, picking glass out of those cuts.
When I got there, everyone was calm, but Jules was shocky, so...order pizza! We got one slice down when the next storm hit. Now we are running across the street to a basement, me half carrying Jules, with Little Bit on the leash...well, we all made it with only minor drama and hung out in this tiny basement until the storm blew over.
Jules and I had had enough, so we headed home, only to come upon a traffic jam on 55 from a multiple car accident. We followed several others lead and went back up the exit ramp and made our way to our bridge across the Mississippi, by taking side streets. We made it to Waterloo, ordered more pizza, got to the house and had to go into OUR basement. At least we have a couch, the pizza, beer and wine...so we were not in bad shape.
Well, Jules was...she has multiple contusions - the one on the back of her leg the size of a ... softball. Not pretty, nor does it feel good. Do all of those injuries keep her from power washing the deck and vacuuming the whole house? Of course not. It's been a long weekend and I'm ready for there to be no more emergencies!
So waiting with less trauma and drama would be good. Oh - forgot to mention the Women's Spirituality Conference in NYC where I got to see Brene' Brown!! It was awesome! Took the train to Boston and got to see Mom, John, Julie and Katelyn...all were good. So those are the basic details - I'll give the insider stuff later:)
Then Saturday, I spread mulch and Jules played golf with Kell. Small issue of a storm brewing, they got off the course a little late and as Jules was putting the clubs in the back of Kell's BMW Suv, softball hail started falling. Jules got in the car as quickly as she could, but still got hit on her back, the back of her thigh, both ankles...and then the glass in the rear window shattered. She was bleeding profusely from numerous cuts and Kell spent the first hour they were home, picking glass out of those cuts.
When I got there, everyone was calm, but Jules was shocky, so...order pizza! We got one slice down when the next storm hit. Now we are running across the street to a basement, me half carrying Jules, with Little Bit on the leash...well, we all made it with only minor drama and hung out in this tiny basement until the storm blew over.
Jules and I had had enough, so we headed home, only to come upon a traffic jam on 55 from a multiple car accident. We followed several others lead and went back up the exit ramp and made our way to our bridge across the Mississippi, by taking side streets. We made it to Waterloo, ordered more pizza, got to the house and had to go into OUR basement. At least we have a couch, the pizza, beer and wine...so we were not in bad shape.
Well, Jules was...she has multiple contusions - the one on the back of her leg the size of a ... softball. Not pretty, nor does it feel good. Do all of those injuries keep her from power washing the deck and vacuuming the whole house? Of course not. It's been a long weekend and I'm ready for there to be no more emergencies!
So waiting with less trauma and drama would be good. Oh - forgot to mention the Women's Spirituality Conference in NYC where I got to see Brene' Brown!! It was awesome! Took the train to Boston and got to see Mom, John, Julie and Katelyn...all were good. So those are the basic details - I'll give the insider stuff later:)
Monday, February 27, 2012
ANOTHER Seminary
Last weekend, Jules and I had a huge fight. This weekend we had a powerful and inspiring time together. The contrast is enormous and a little confusing. Let's just go straight to the good part, 'k? I mean, who wants to share their dirty laundry? Just know that this weekend we were both feeling vulnerable and "gun shy" with each other, and didn't start out feeling connected. Oh - and we are on this Hcg diet that is 500 calories a day (doctor supervised with homeopathic drops that tell your body to burn fat...it works, but its HARD!), she is not sure she will have a job by March 20, AND Meadville Lombard, UU seminary, denied my application request.
When I got the call from Meadville, they told me I didn't have enough congregational experience and that I was till searching. I didn't really understand the searching part...if I'm not searching, I'm dead. Don't other people feel that way? Guess not. At first I was devastated. I mean, it's rejection, right? Except I have made A's on my papers from Meadville, so it's not about my academic ability...so I talked to a UU minister here in St. Louis. He said he could see that Meadville wants minister's that come from a congregation, a support group...they want to train strong leaders for the UU denomination. Basically, since I'm not drinking the coolaid...they're not interested.
And I'm not drinking the coolaid. I was happy with UU b/c of the broad range of theologies and skills that I would learn and be exposed to. Did their theology "feed me"? No. I found being fed by a UU sermon to be very "hit and miss". I also could never see myself preaching in a UU church. I kept getting caught up in what you could and couldn't say...can't say God, or prayer, or Jesus...but if you go Humanist or Atheist or whatever, then you offend those that aren't. I never could get around that in my head and Jules kept the mantra going for me..."you are there to get a Master's...you are there to get a Master's"! So maybe it's a good thing I'm not going to Meadville. Didn't feel that way in the beginning, but I'm pretty relieved right now.
Yet here's the deal...where to go now? I'm talking to the admissions director today at 1:00 for Eden Christian Seminary, here in St. Louis. I would go to classes on campus, be able to be in community with students and faculty, be in discussion through out the classes, rather than just a week of intensives...and I wouldn't have to go to Chicago in the winter! The negatives are that I am locked into St Louis for 4 years and if Jules needs to move for a job, then what do we do? I am also locked into a school schedule for 4 years...none of this travelling around to see Katie or whatever, while I do my homework on the road!
The bigger question is...can I do a Christian seminary? I'm leary of all the Jesusfreakhappyheisourlordandsaviour stuff. Yet, the classes I enjoyed the most over this last year, that gave me the most food for thought, were "Progressive Christianity" and "First (old) Testament". I also recognize and am comfortable with most Christian language...praying, God, Christ etc...except, I'm also into Paganism (Earth religions) and astrology. Do I come clean about that or keep it in the closet? You all know I am not good at political games or being less than honest. Paganism is NOT evil and has given me some of my greatest inspiration and break throughs into my own psyche.
Oh - the good part. Jules and I went out on Saturday night - saw some original theatre based on gay issues, hung out with a bunch of gay people and other than we couldn't eat or drink...had a good time. Then Sunday, went to church and Reverend Carol preached right to me. Talked about how your own religious philosophy is as good as anyone else's and no one can tell you what to believe. The choir was also fantabulous! and Jules even went up to get a prayer/blessing with me...that is a true break-thro and maybe the beginning of healing for her with some nasty religious wounds.
All in all, it was a terrific weekend, although I am ready for real food and glass of red wine. Sooner rather than later.
When I got the call from Meadville, they told me I didn't have enough congregational experience and that I was till searching. I didn't really understand the searching part...if I'm not searching, I'm dead. Don't other people feel that way? Guess not. At first I was devastated. I mean, it's rejection, right? Except I have made A's on my papers from Meadville, so it's not about my academic ability...so I talked to a UU minister here in St. Louis. He said he could see that Meadville wants minister's that come from a congregation, a support group...they want to train strong leaders for the UU denomination. Basically, since I'm not drinking the coolaid...they're not interested.
And I'm not drinking the coolaid. I was happy with UU b/c of the broad range of theologies and skills that I would learn and be exposed to. Did their theology "feed me"? No. I found being fed by a UU sermon to be very "hit and miss". I also could never see myself preaching in a UU church. I kept getting caught up in what you could and couldn't say...can't say God, or prayer, or Jesus...but if you go Humanist or Atheist or whatever, then you offend those that aren't. I never could get around that in my head and Jules kept the mantra going for me..."you are there to get a Master's...you are there to get a Master's"! So maybe it's a good thing I'm not going to Meadville. Didn't feel that way in the beginning, but I'm pretty relieved right now.
Yet here's the deal...where to go now? I'm talking to the admissions director today at 1:00 for Eden Christian Seminary, here in St. Louis. I would go to classes on campus, be able to be in community with students and faculty, be in discussion through out the classes, rather than just a week of intensives...and I wouldn't have to go to Chicago in the winter! The negatives are that I am locked into St Louis for 4 years and if Jules needs to move for a job, then what do we do? I am also locked into a school schedule for 4 years...none of this travelling around to see Katie or whatever, while I do my homework on the road!
The bigger question is...can I do a Christian seminary? I'm leary of all the Jesusfreakhappyheisourlordandsaviour stuff. Yet, the classes I enjoyed the most over this last year, that gave me the most food for thought, were "Progressive Christianity" and "First (old) Testament". I also recognize and am comfortable with most Christian language...praying, God, Christ etc...except, I'm also into Paganism (Earth religions) and astrology. Do I come clean about that or keep it in the closet? You all know I am not good at political games or being less than honest. Paganism is NOT evil and has given me some of my greatest inspiration and break throughs into my own psyche.
Oh - the good part. Jules and I went out on Saturday night - saw some original theatre based on gay issues, hung out with a bunch of gay people and other than we couldn't eat or drink...had a good time. Then Sunday, went to church and Reverend Carol preached right to me. Talked about how your own religious philosophy is as good as anyone else's and no one can tell you what to believe. The choir was also fantabulous! and Jules even went up to get a prayer/blessing with me...that is a true break-thro and maybe the beginning of healing for her with some nasty religious wounds.
All in all, it was a terrific weekend, although I am ready for real food and glass of red wine. Sooner rather than later.
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