I guess I'm just going to have a faith crisis on a regular basis. For someone who thought she was so "open minded" - I sure have a lot of BS (belief system:) that is getting blown to smithereens! This last paper was a menopausal bitch- and since I am menopausal, I can say that. "She" - the paper, was moody, volatile, inconsistent, and unfair. She ran hot and cold, up and down...and I re-created her 5 times. From scratch. I finally sent it in, 2 days late, and am SO glad to have this one done. I'm sure there was a lot I could learn about time management, as I spent 4 of the 5 weeks on Jesus and MBE, and then had only 1 week to compare creation myths.
So. In my research I realize, that MOST of the stories in the Bible are inspired from mythology. Yes, I said this already...in my last blog. This is a big deal to me! I also am coming to terms with God being a Rorschact (?) blot. Really - God is a human construct. I know, I know - I am still going to hell. Personally, I believe Hades chose the Underworld just to get out of all those meetings with Zeus and all the other Gods! Just think about all that ego!
I also did the tiniest piece of research on Joseph Campbell and one thing he said really hit home for me. "I don't need faith, I have my own experience!" This truly is what it comes down to for me. God has been recreated more times than my most recent paper...just in MY experience in the last week! so I had to come down to, "What does God mean to me?" Do I truly believe that God exists?
Well, those of you who are wondering if I was taken in the Rapture (HA! LOL) I do believe in God. The reason I believe in God is simply not about church or belief systems or prayer (well, maybe a little bit of prayer)...it's about my own healing and evolution. I've been healed instantaneously of strep throat, while being the biggest sinner there is by definition...I sold my house in Fenton in an amazing way (another story), and Holistic Fitness sold, thereby giving me a time of true blessing and healing. It simply doesn't matter to me how all of this is explained - it means God exists for me. God was there for me and is more real for me now, in this time of blessing and few dramatic events...than ever before. I think that is it. God doesn't have to be in the instantaneous healing...altho that's nice, VERY nice...but this time of evolution for me, is going to be a mainstay for me in my future. This is foundation time.
Truly. When I am sitting on my deck, writing my papers...it may be raining (I have a screened-in porch:), or windy, or sunny...the birds are out, the air is fresh and LIFE IS DAMN GOOD. I see God on my screened-in porch. It's an energy, an atmosphere. It is being soaked into my bones and is saturating into my blood. I will be able to bring this energy up, into my experience, from now on. And please understand. I DO appreciate what a blessed time this is. My life is fabulous. Glorious. and I am grateful. Even when the papers I write take on a personality of their own and become menopausal bitches. Even then.
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