Dogs

Thought I would give you all a change of pace from my spiritual quest:)  I have been writing my first "graduate level" paper and I am worn out!

So my dog Little Bit...she is 14# and a rescued Schnauzer.  She was a "puppy mill momma" and was quite traumatized when I got her.  She didn't know how to go up stairs (she still is quite clumsy), she didn't know what grass was, and she didn't know how to cross a threshold.  When I would take her out in the yard to pee, she would look at me like, "What?  What is this stuff?  You want me to pee? here?" and she would go to the sidewalk...somewhere concrete, and pee.

In the 2 years that I have had her, she has made amazing progress.  She LOVES to run around my yard, up and back, as if to show off.  "Mom, watch how fast I am!"  We walk every day and she pulls on the leash, rather than laying down in fear.  She is working on training me in how to play.  All the dog games I know, she doesn't, and we haven't quite figured out what to do.  She does race around the house in circles, running under my bed and peaking out from under the bed skirt.

However.  I made the HUGE mistake of letting her try whatever food I was eating.  She will eat bananas, apples, carrots, beans...in fact, the only food I have seen her NOT eat is celery, or anything with Balsamic vinegar on it.  So.  She now EXPECTS to be given some of what I have and her begging has gotten quite obnoxious.  So I stopped feeding her tidbits...and she started barking at me.  My own dog is giving my attitude.  My daughter didn't give me attitude, but my dog is.  Must be paybacks.

"Well!"  I thought.  This is not going to continue.  I will tell her no or ignore her, and yes, she did finally stop and go away.  But only after she went where I couldn't see her and pee'd on the carpet.  The little shit!  So I have yet to figure out how to fix this little problem.  At the moment she is going into her kennel in the basement when I start to fix a meal.  What a pain in the butt.  And the worst part?  It's my own damn fault.

You Love Me Anyway

So seminary homework has really got me thinking.  You know, small concepts, like who God really is, what is forgiveness, and how do you deal with those people whose beliefs are diametrically opposed to your beliefs? 

The latter question is on my mind, b/c I am going to my young cousin's wedding next weekend...in Wichita, Kansas.  Yes, the state that believes the Bible's creation story should be included in science classes on creation.  Now, my family in Wichita - they love me.  They just do...in spite of myself and in spite of their religious beliefs.  You know - there's that Lesbian thing, then I'm divorced, owned my own company, am rather opinionated (or I'm just right! HA) and now?  I'm in seminary.  A female.  A Lesbian...in seminary.  Life is never boring.

So when I first came out as a Lesbian, my cousin Bob (from Wichita) wrote me a letter saying how he knew Jesus could save me and how he loved me anyway.  (Is it any wonder I did not have a warm and fuzzy relationship with Jesus, coming into seminary?)  Now the truth is, Bob wrote that letter out of his love for me, misguided tho' I think the message was.  However, I was not anywhere near mature enough to take it as a message of love, but instead took it as a judgement on me.  I mean, "I love you anyway"...is judgemental and condescending - but it was Bob's issue, not mine.

The thing is - when Dad died, my extended family, extended themselves.  They were THERE for me.  Mom and I were with Dad when he died and it was a confusing mess that day.  To complicate matters, brother John was literally in the middle of moving when I called him with the news, and needed a day to get settled.

Dad's sister Ruth and her husband, Vic, just happened to be visiting.  I would never have chosen them to help me through a crisis, but that just shows what I didn't know.  They fed us, answered the phone, packed us to go to the farm, and just loved Mom.  I was able to write the obituary, plan the funeral, make all the arrangements (please -  plan this now for yourself...don't make your children do it.  It is horrific.) and (vomit) go pick out the casket.  My aunt Ruth even let me vent about how horrible the funeral home was, in spite of her own grief.

Long story short...I learned that my family loved me in an indisputable way.  They also saw how much I loved my father, how patient I was with my mother, and loved a new side of me.  It was a time of healing and transformation.  It showed me the Christ spirit in a very tangible way, I never would have thought possible...and I hope, for them as well.

Next weekend, we get to celebrate, rather than mourn.  How wonderful!  LOL - and even tho I know my family is hoping I won't embarress them (I'm taking the Lesbian sticker off my forehead), I hope I am a positive addition to their celebration of love.  What I know is that I love them and they love me, and I am proud of my young cousin for his journey as well.  To me, this is a concrete example of how the world could get along, if it would just try.

Namaste'

When Are YOU in the Spirit?

Have I mentioned that I love seminary?  Just today, I had an email conversation with the Dean, (yes, I had a conversation with the Dean - ha! I love it) about this book we are reading for class.  The Phoenix Affirmations by Eric Elnes.  We were talking about how everyone invokes God when they pray and when they are in a worship service - but does anyone expect God to respond or appear?  especially as He did in the Bible?  Think of burning bushes, Paul being blinded, the Red Sea parting, Jesus raising the dead...you know, everyday occurrences.

If the Gospels are to be believed, Jesus had more than a few rather dramatic moments invoking God.  Yet, we don't see the healing drama much anymore.  Now Christian Scientist's believe in and practice physical healing - but I don't know if they would describe it in the way the disciples describe Jesus healing or invoking God.  I have experienced instantaneous healing (see previous blog), and it was quite dramatic - but it was quite a surprise to me...I certainly wasn't expecting it.  It seems to me, Jesus expected God to heal...and went out on a limb to prove it.

So why do you think we don't see dramatic healing in everyday living?  or do you and you're just afraid of being crucified?  (huh - see previous blog)  So my real question is - How do you experience healing?  How do you experience God?  What causes you to feel "in the Spirit"?  Ok - so there are 3 questions.  My math was never good.  I really want to know, btw.

I have experienced God in Christian worship...and in Pagan celebration...also in energy work.  Today I experienced God when I saw that my flower seeds had sprouted:)  Yea God!  I also experienced and saw healing happen in a Synergia (specific energy work) social get-together.

These Synergia practitioners are powerful people.  Mostly women, but not exclusive - and they heal for a living.  I started to get a headache at the party.  My story was that I was not used to being around a group of people who live in such high energy.  So I asked for their help in dissipating the headache, which they gave.

I experienced physical healing, but also emotional and spiritual.  First of all, it's a big deal for me to ask for help and certainly to trust that people would respond.  They responded immediately and with full intention.  My healing was also about being shown love and respect, given with compassion and zest.

I have also experienced this love, respect and compassion at Diana's Grove...a Pagan retreat center.  Isn't that interesting???  What if it's not about Jesus?  Altho' I have to say, I have experience love, respect, & compassion at Metropolitan Community Church as well - especially in their music...and they are ALL about Jesus.  And - I experienced God at Sancta Sophia and also everytime I do homework.  Ain't that somethin'?!

I suppose it could be argued that it is about Christ...the spirit, not the person.  I'm good with that - just so long as we can stay open about where and when Christ appears.  I think we are far more concerned with dogma and definitions than any "being" in the Trinity:)

Really and truly - tell me how you feel, see, experience God.  I need to know...I'm in seminary!  Consider it helping me with my homework.  Please let me know - if not by posting here, then email me.  It's all good.

Namaste'

Hafiz - the great Sufi Master

I love Hafiz.  He can describe God in a way you have truly never thought of...and then make you burst out laughing.  I think elephants were sacred...

The Sun in Drag

You are the Sun in drag.
You are God hiding from yourself.
Remove all the "mine" - that is the veil.
Why ever worry about
Anything?
Listen to what your friend Hafiz
Knows for certain:
The appearance of this world
Is a Magi's brilliant trick, though its affairs are
Nothing into nothing.
You are a divine elephant with amnesia
Trying to live in an ant
Hole.
Sweetheart, O Sweetheart
You are God in
Drag!

The Great Religions

The Great religions are the
Ships,

Poets, the life
Boats.

Every sane person I know has jumped
Overboard.

That is good for business
Isn't it
Hafiz?


Namaste';)

Sacred Space

What makes a place or thing sacred?  I have a friend who feels her family farm is sacred, where she buried her dogs, and her childhood church.  Her question..."Are the places themselves sacred or do my experiences make them sacred?"  Probably both.  The answer to so many questions.

The churches that Katie and I went to in France...several were sacred to me - Notre Dame, Mont St. Michel, and the smaller one next to Sacre Coeur...why them and not others that we saw?  My story is the blood, sweat and prayer that went into them...but who knows why I responded to them - probably my own experiences coming through, even in a place that was new for me.

Sacred is a feeling for me.  And one of the things that creates great sacred feelings for me - David Whyte's poetry.  Mameen.  The Hazel Wood.  Start Close In.   Dun Aengus.  The Seven Streams.  Now maybe it's b/c I was there this summer.  In fact, I'm sure his poetry would not be so powerful if I had not been to the places he is talking about.  Yet, his poem, Arrivals, about the 2 African women and their introduction into Dullus airport...so powerful...yet I have never been to Dullus, nor do I know these women. (btw - if you are going to experience David Whyte's poetry, do it with him reading them...CD.  Just so colorful and full of texture)

Listen to this..."let your vulnerabilities walking on the cracked, sliding limestone, be this time, not a weakness, but a faculty for understanding what's about to happen"...I think that is brilliant...so descriptive of how when I can let go, not judge myself and just trust...well, it's just brilliant.  (7 Streams)

Now those of you who are so brave and courageous, and mostly patient, to read my blog, are probably thinking..."where the hell is she going with this?"  Katie is laughing, b/c I'm so...well, me.  So I am "going" into the thoughts that my friend Ola brought out, by asking me what I thought of her cutting her dreads.  (Don't even try to follow my line of reasoning, it will make you as crazy as I am)

She has had her dreads for almost 10 years.  There are so many experiences, poignant moments, tears and laughter in those dreads.  They are what first caught my eye about her.  LOL  I told her they were "hot!" and she said, "They sure are".  We were talking about 2 very different kinds of heat:)

Her dreads for me, are as sacred as those churches we visited in France.  or my deck.  or poetry.  Does that mean she shouldn't cut them?  Not at all.  They are just very symbolic of all she has been through, all we have been through together.  They are like my father's work gloves that sit on my fireplace mantel.  Ola's dreads are the essence of her.  They smell like her, feel like her.  Perhaps tho - to cut them, is to cut some weight from her life, of who she used to be...grateful for what she has learned, but so ready to move on.  Whatever she decides to do...I honor her process...it is sacred, too.

Jesus as a Spirit Person

One of the questions Marcus Borg (Jesus Scholar) asks, "What was your childhood image of Jesus?"  I find that I remember stories about Jesus...he was someone to be revered, but not understood.  For me, raised in Christian Science, I did not think of Jesus as "God", but the son of God, the Christ, the "bridge" to understanding God - but I don't know that Jesus really helped.   As Borg points out in his own childhood memories...his belief about Jesus seemed fine until he got into adulthood and then his belief system didn't hold up.  That's how I feel.

I wanted to believe in Jesus...I wanted to believe in his healing ability and that I could do that too.  That's what he says, right?  But that would lead me to thinking about him being tortured and then crucified.  And think about it.  If suddenly I started healing people...the blind, crippled, diseased, dead...people would throw a fit!  They certainly wouldn't believe it was God.  Have you seen what they do to healers who have found cures for cancer??  Buried them, literally and figuratively.

Well, I can assure you, I am not quite to that level yet, so none of you need to make plans to visit me in jail.  What I do relate to from Borg's description of Jesus, is that Jesus was a "spirit person".  He doesn't use "holy man" b/c he believes both words cause the true meaning to be obscured.  Borg appreciates that a "spirit person" can be female (thank you) and that "holy" is like the word "god"...we all equate different meanings to it.  So to Borg, "spirit person is to whom the sacred is an experiential reality."  This, I can relate to.  This I have experienced.

I have experienced healing, too - but not in the way the Bible describes Jesus doing it...and certainly not with the consistency and numbers that Jesus did.  Borg says we don't know if Jesus really healed anybody...what we do know, is that the gospels are trying to portray that Jesus was a powerful "spirit person", one who is still powerful today.  Is this the meaning of "everlasting life"?  I mean, people still talk about this man who's been dead 2000 years and still feel his presence in their lives!  (I hear the Easter song...He lives!)

What I know, is that learning all this about Jesus, is giving Jesus back to me.  AND!  my friends, Ola, Mary and Amy...they all had positive doctor appts today!  I like to think my prayers helped, but it's enough that they had better days.  Amen and Hallelujah!