I guess I'm just going to have a faith crisis on a regular basis. For someone who thought she was so "open minded" - I sure have a lot of BS (belief system:) that is getting blown to smithereens! This last paper was a menopausal bitch- and since I am menopausal, I can say that. "She" - the paper, was moody, volatile, inconsistent, and unfair. She ran hot and cold, up and down...and I re-created her 5 times. From scratch. I finally sent it in, 2 days late, and am SO glad to have this one done. I'm sure there was a lot I could learn about time management, as I spent 4 of the 5 weeks on Jesus and MBE, and then had only 1 week to compare creation myths.
So. In my research I realize, that MOST of the stories in the Bible are inspired from mythology. Yes, I said this already...in my last blog. This is a big deal to me! I also am coming to terms with God being a Rorschact (?) blot. Really - God is a human construct. I know, I know - I am still going to hell. Personally, I believe Hades chose the Underworld just to get out of all those meetings with Zeus and all the other Gods! Just think about all that ego!
I also did the tiniest piece of research on Joseph Campbell and one thing he said really hit home for me. "I don't need faith, I have my own experience!" This truly is what it comes down to for me. God has been recreated more times than my most recent paper...just in MY experience in the last week! so I had to come down to, "What does God mean to me?" Do I truly believe that God exists?
Well, those of you who are wondering if I was taken in the Rapture (HA! LOL) I do believe in God. The reason I believe in God is simply not about church or belief systems or prayer (well, maybe a little bit of prayer)...it's about my own healing and evolution. I've been healed instantaneously of strep throat, while being the biggest sinner there is by definition...I sold my house in Fenton in an amazing way (another story), and Holistic Fitness sold, thereby giving me a time of true blessing and healing. It simply doesn't matter to me how all of this is explained - it means God exists for me. God was there for me and is more real for me now, in this time of blessing and few dramatic events...than ever before. I think that is it. God doesn't have to be in the instantaneous healing...altho that's nice, VERY nice...but this time of evolution for me, is going to be a mainstay for me in my future. This is foundation time.
Truly. When I am sitting on my deck, writing my papers...it may be raining (I have a screened-in porch:), or windy, or sunny...the birds are out, the air is fresh and LIFE IS DAMN GOOD. I see God on my screened-in porch. It's an energy, an atmosphere. It is being soaked into my bones and is saturating into my blood. I will be able to bring this energy up, into my experience, from now on. And please understand. I DO appreciate what a blessed time this is. My life is fabulous. Glorious. and I am grateful. Even when the papers I write take on a personality of their own and become menopausal bitches. Even then.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Myth and Our Belief System
Okey Dokey - warning. There may be material in this blog that messes with your religion - ie: your belief system. It has certainly messed with mine.
So here's the deal. I am now writing a paper contrasting creation stories. Genesis vs (my choices) Greek mythology and Native American Indian myths. The first thing to define is myth - religious story that informs and guides a faith tradition. Marcus Borg, Bible scholar puts it another way...a story that has true meaning, whether or not it's factual.
The factual part...that's what got me. I grew up, like most of you, thinking my religion was about facts. I believed, without a doubt, that Jesus was born of a virgin, healed multitudes, that Samuel survived the lion's den (wasn't it Samuel?) and Abraham almost sacrificed his son...but his wonderful God stopped him at the last minute. (Except I always had issue that God would ask in the first place! but some things ya just don't question...until you go to seminary)
So I start doing my research for this paper, and find that many of the Bible stories are first told in Greek mythology...and it occurs to me that Zeus looks just like that description of God as the man in the white beard, sitting on a throne, making judgements. That God is also vengeful, unpredictable, and NOT comforting. Sounds like Zeus.
Speaking of Zeus - his mother Rhea hid him in a cave, in a basket...does anyone else think of Moses? Humans were made in "gods image" on two feet, so they could gaze up at the heavens, rather than at the ground, like animals. Oh yea - Zeus punished humans with floods. Pandora was given to men as an "equal creature of delight and torment", then given a box and told not to open it. uh - Genesis did come to mind...and what sort of God gives you a gift and then says not to open it?
What if the Bible is myth? All of it? Remember the definitions...they're true, just not factual. That means I get to decide what is meaningful to me - but more importantly, it means I get to decide who and what God is. Does this feel sacriligious to you? It felt overwhelming to me. Just tell me what to do! Tell me the truth! Tell me who God is - don't make me decide!
Isn't that what mankind has been doing for centuries? and then when God doesn't work out, we dump Him or move on to another belief system. I mean, Greek mythology is just as widespread as Christianity, except we would never say we believed it to be true. Except that it is the BASIS for Christianity. Yes, I do know I'm going to hell - except hell is just a belief system:) and somehow, since there are a few of you still emailing me that you like my blog...I must be striking a chord.
The thing that amazes me? How strong a belief system can be, and how a civilization can be run on fear. Some guy stronger than you, kills your neighbor for believing the wrong thing...and somehow, your sacred belief system is not so important b/c you want to stay alive. How many countries have been dominated this way?
Well, you can see that I want to share the wealth where all this thought processing comes in:) Thanks for listening! Again!
So here's the deal. I am now writing a paper contrasting creation stories. Genesis vs (my choices) Greek mythology and Native American Indian myths. The first thing to define is myth - religious story that informs and guides a faith tradition. Marcus Borg, Bible scholar puts it another way...a story that has true meaning, whether or not it's factual.
The factual part...that's what got me. I grew up, like most of you, thinking my religion was about facts. I believed, without a doubt, that Jesus was born of a virgin, healed multitudes, that Samuel survived the lion's den (wasn't it Samuel?) and Abraham almost sacrificed his son...but his wonderful God stopped him at the last minute. (Except I always had issue that God would ask in the first place! but some things ya just don't question...until you go to seminary)
So I start doing my research for this paper, and find that many of the Bible stories are first told in Greek mythology...and it occurs to me that Zeus looks just like that description of God as the man in the white beard, sitting on a throne, making judgements. That God is also vengeful, unpredictable, and NOT comforting. Sounds like Zeus.
Speaking of Zeus - his mother Rhea hid him in a cave, in a basket...does anyone else think of Moses? Humans were made in "gods image" on two feet, so they could gaze up at the heavens, rather than at the ground, like animals. Oh yea - Zeus punished humans with floods. Pandora was given to men as an "equal creature of delight and torment", then given a box and told not to open it. uh - Genesis did come to mind...and what sort of God gives you a gift and then says not to open it?
What if the Bible is myth? All of it? Remember the definitions...they're true, just not factual. That means I get to decide what is meaningful to me - but more importantly, it means I get to decide who and what God is. Does this feel sacriligious to you? It felt overwhelming to me. Just tell me what to do! Tell me the truth! Tell me who God is - don't make me decide!
Isn't that what mankind has been doing for centuries? and then when God doesn't work out, we dump Him or move on to another belief system. I mean, Greek mythology is just as widespread as Christianity, except we would never say we believed it to be true. Except that it is the BASIS for Christianity. Yes, I do know I'm going to hell - except hell is just a belief system:) and somehow, since there are a few of you still emailing me that you like my blog...I must be striking a chord.
The thing that amazes me? How strong a belief system can be, and how a civilization can be run on fear. Some guy stronger than you, kills your neighbor for believing the wrong thing...and somehow, your sacred belief system is not so important b/c you want to stay alive. How many countries have been dominated this way?
Well, you can see that I want to share the wealth where all this thought processing comes in:) Thanks for listening! Again!
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Holy Cow
I am a student...one with a paper due next Friday and another one due the following Friday. The problem is that I can't stay on topic. It's not that I'm not interested in my topic..."Compare the ministry and miracles of Jesus with those of a current healer". Truly, if you are a spiritual nerd like I am, this is gold. The issue is that I want to make it bigger than the topic, and of course, I want to apply it to my own life...but that can't go in the paper. Remember? I'm a student, supposed to be practicing critical thinking and writing in focused and conclusive format. (with stinking footnotes to boot)
So. I have chosen Mary Baker Eddy to compare to Jesus. I have to say she comes off fairly well! Better than any other healer I am aware of. Truly - if half of the healings are true that she says she did - she is freaking amazing! She also healed multitudes. Many of her healings are documented...more than we can say for Jesus!
Why is it that MBE and Jesus could heal anything they wanted to? Is it that they were truly anointed? We have heard for centuries that Jesus was the "Son of God" - but that is not how Jesus described himself (it's how his apostles described him, 30-70 years later). And who was MBE?
I believe she was influenced by that dude "Quimby", but more so by her Puritan upbringing. This might have a tad to do with my trouble with her rigidity:) A psychologist would have a field day with her...she lost her husband, mother, and brother within 4 years of each other. Her son was taken away from her, her new husband betrayed her, and she lived in poverty for many years b/c she was a woman and couldn't own property. It makes me wonder if she "denounced" everything human b/c it just hurt too damn much?!
Ok - I'm giving you way too little information, if you don't have a basis in Christian Science. I also wonder how twisted a religion becomes, by the people who practice it. "What would Jesus do??" WE DON'T KNOW! What would MBE do? Again, only opinions.
So let's just put aside our religious differences. Do you believe in dramatic healing? Instantaneous? What are your perameters around that? MBE was big into "not sinning" and "denouncing error". OF COURSE, my question is...who gets to decide what is sinning and what is error? Might be my identity of being gay here...lots of people think I am a sinner and am going to hell...and, I have one or two issues with that. Jesus said a helluva lot more about judgement and compassion, let me tell ya! (Did I mention that Jesus said NOTHING about being gay?...again, back to topic...)
Whatever issues I have with MBE - she healed like a dynamo! But what does that truly mean? What if the Bible is myth? MBE certainly didn't think it was myth, and she healed like it was true...does that make it true? or is it like Marcus Borg says..."a story can be true even if it is not factual...".
Once again I have meandered all over this page. Thanks for reading and putting up with me.
So. I have chosen Mary Baker Eddy to compare to Jesus. I have to say she comes off fairly well! Better than any other healer I am aware of. Truly - if half of the healings are true that she says she did - she is freaking amazing! She also healed multitudes. Many of her healings are documented...more than we can say for Jesus!
Why is it that MBE and Jesus could heal anything they wanted to? Is it that they were truly anointed? We have heard for centuries that Jesus was the "Son of God" - but that is not how Jesus described himself (it's how his apostles described him, 30-70 years later). And who was MBE?
I believe she was influenced by that dude "Quimby", but more so by her Puritan upbringing. This might have a tad to do with my trouble with her rigidity:) A psychologist would have a field day with her...she lost her husband, mother, and brother within 4 years of each other. Her son was taken away from her, her new husband betrayed her, and she lived in poverty for many years b/c she was a woman and couldn't own property. It makes me wonder if she "denounced" everything human b/c it just hurt too damn much?!
Ok - I'm giving you way too little information, if you don't have a basis in Christian Science. I also wonder how twisted a religion becomes, by the people who practice it. "What would Jesus do??" WE DON'T KNOW! What would MBE do? Again, only opinions.
So let's just put aside our religious differences. Do you believe in dramatic healing? Instantaneous? What are your perameters around that? MBE was big into "not sinning" and "denouncing error". OF COURSE, my question is...who gets to decide what is sinning and what is error? Might be my identity of being gay here...lots of people think I am a sinner and am going to hell...and, I have one or two issues with that. Jesus said a helluva lot more about judgement and compassion, let me tell ya! (Did I mention that Jesus said NOTHING about being gay?...again, back to topic...)
Whatever issues I have with MBE - she healed like a dynamo! But what does that truly mean? What if the Bible is myth? MBE certainly didn't think it was myth, and she healed like it was true...does that make it true? or is it like Marcus Borg says..."a story can be true even if it is not factual...".
Once again I have meandered all over this page. Thanks for reading and putting up with me.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
A Little of This...
I have been in such a quandary since getting back from seminary this time. A multitude of things. First, the instructors didn't keep the class under control and it became an "unsafe" place to have doubts, ask questions and not "go with the esoteric flow". Then I stayed with persnickety people who didn't tell me what they expected, but got upset if I didn't do things the way they wanted. I've never been that good at mind-reading! Lesson 1 - get my own place!
Third...the material is disconcerting. So, just read this and suspend your judgement so that this blog is not 30 minutes long with explanation. Let's just say the Old Testament is myth. It's a bunch of stories that somebody (ok - several somebodies) thought were important. Very few of any of the stories or books of the Bible were written by the name of the book...so back to that basic conjecture...the OT is myth.
So, holy shit, that's kind of a big deal. So if that is true - what does it do to my faith? (or yours?) Let's also go with the assertion, that just b/c a story is not factual, does not make it not true. So if the Bible is myth...with truth, even inspiring truth...the bottom line? I get to decide what is true for me, what inspires me and what doesn't work for me!
Religious leaders? They should always be judged as human, fallible, possibly gifted...but no different than someone who is good at math or music. Then each individual is required to discern what works for them, rather than swallow everything- "hook, line, and sinker"! Then when Jesus says, "...and greater works than these shall ye do..." it becomes a little more feasible...b/c we don't truly know what Jesus did, only what other people wrote about him YEARS! later.
How about Mary Baker Eddy? Fallible. Much of her inspiration was from a guy named Quimby. Does that take away from her healing the sick and raising the dead? Not if you see her as human, with a gift that she discerns for herself. Each religious leader as I see it, is gifted, fallible and have a VERY strong and charismatic personality. What we need to be careful of is thinking they can't be wrong, or human, or judging them with a "right or wrong" lens and nothing in between.
Religion emerges from a culture. It's language and it's symbols. If that religion survives, then the people in that religion, see their life through the lens of that religion. Just like the first 5 years of your life and what you absorbed, can't be erased from your DNA and how you respond to things...so do you see things through the religion you were raised in...even if you have changed religions.
Ok - these are my musings for today. They probably make no sense except to me. If you want to read the book that is helping me to clarify this mess...read Marcus Borg, "Reading the Bible Again for the First Time...Taking the Bible too seriously to take it literally". It's awesome.
Third...the material is disconcerting. So, just read this and suspend your judgement so that this blog is not 30 minutes long with explanation. Let's just say the Old Testament is myth. It's a bunch of stories that somebody (ok - several somebodies) thought were important. Very few of any of the stories or books of the Bible were written by the name of the book...so back to that basic conjecture...the OT is myth.
So, holy shit, that's kind of a big deal. So if that is true - what does it do to my faith? (or yours?) Let's also go with the assertion, that just b/c a story is not factual, does not make it not true. So if the Bible is myth...with truth, even inspiring truth...the bottom line? I get to decide what is true for me, what inspires me and what doesn't work for me!
Religious leaders? They should always be judged as human, fallible, possibly gifted...but no different than someone who is good at math or music. Then each individual is required to discern what works for them, rather than swallow everything- "hook, line, and sinker"! Then when Jesus says, "...and greater works than these shall ye do..." it becomes a little more feasible...b/c we don't truly know what Jesus did, only what other people wrote about him YEARS! later.
How about Mary Baker Eddy? Fallible. Much of her inspiration was from a guy named Quimby. Does that take away from her healing the sick and raising the dead? Not if you see her as human, with a gift that she discerns for herself. Each religious leader as I see it, is gifted, fallible and have a VERY strong and charismatic personality. What we need to be careful of is thinking they can't be wrong, or human, or judging them with a "right or wrong" lens and nothing in between.
Religion emerges from a culture. It's language and it's symbols. If that religion survives, then the people in that religion, see their life through the lens of that religion. Just like the first 5 years of your life and what you absorbed, can't be erased from your DNA and how you respond to things...so do you see things through the religion you were raised in...even if you have changed religions.
Ok - these are my musings for today. They probably make no sense except to me. If you want to read the book that is helping me to clarify this mess...read Marcus Borg, "Reading the Bible Again for the First Time...Taking the Bible too seriously to take it literally". It's awesome.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
TMI
Literally. Too much information. Last week was Esoteric Spirituality. This week is deconstructing the Old Testament. Did you know that much of the OT may be myth and myth only? Not just Adam and Eve...but much of what we know about Abraham, Joseph, David, Solomon etc. It's possible that none of it happened, but has been interpreted by our Christian lens to be true. It is said that Judaism, Christianity, and Islam all came from Abraham...but they can't prove it.
What about the Exodus story? 600,000 people wandering thro the desert for 40 years. No signs. No proof. What does it do to your faith if none of it is true? What if the 1st 5 books of the Bible were made up as teaching lessons to make certain points? If you want to watch the PBS documentary that we watched today on what they know to be true of the OT, you can either download it on Itunes or get it thro PBS. "Buried Secrets of the Bible", NOVA, PBS.
Then there is the Esoteric explanation for everything. Sorta like metaphysical, but different. Suffice it to say, my brain is reeling. It's like 3 different tracks running in my head...1) What if none of it is true, but all myth? 2) What if some of it is true, but not all...and I have to decide what is true for me? and 3) Esoterically, that there are "ages" as in Taurus, Pisces and Aquarian ages, that decipher much of what happened?
So the Esoteric belief system is "out there" - but makes a lot of sense in some ways. The problem is that most people here already have adopted it as part of their faith. There is one woman in particular who is "religious right" in her belief of the Esoteric explanation...and she just irritates me. She says things like, "No, that is wrong, this is right, you can't say that, and no, it didn't happen like that". I have recognized that this really puts up walls for me...I resist the education b/c she is so adamant that I have to accept it. The hell I do! And yet I am here to learn and be open to new ideas.
It just irritates me b/c I should be able to accept things at my own pace...not at hers. At least she is just another student, not one of the instructors. I'm not sure you could get her to admit that though. Anyway - you can see that I am having a few issues. AND - I am damn tired of living in someone else's house and not having any space of my own. There is simply no place for me to go that I can be by myself and it is exhausting me. If I am to move down here, it will have to be in space that is my own. I cannot share with someone else, especially if it is within their own living space.
Ok - I am done whining. Overload does that to me. 3 more days and Little Bit and I go home. Praise God.
What about the Exodus story? 600,000 people wandering thro the desert for 40 years. No signs. No proof. What does it do to your faith if none of it is true? What if the 1st 5 books of the Bible were made up as teaching lessons to make certain points? If you want to watch the PBS documentary that we watched today on what they know to be true of the OT, you can either download it on Itunes or get it thro PBS. "Buried Secrets of the Bible", NOVA, PBS.
Then there is the Esoteric explanation for everything. Sorta like metaphysical, but different. Suffice it to say, my brain is reeling. It's like 3 different tracks running in my head...1) What if none of it is true, but all myth? 2) What if some of it is true, but not all...and I have to decide what is true for me? and 3) Esoterically, that there are "ages" as in Taurus, Pisces and Aquarian ages, that decipher much of what happened?
So the Esoteric belief system is "out there" - but makes a lot of sense in some ways. The problem is that most people here already have adopted it as part of their faith. There is one woman in particular who is "religious right" in her belief of the Esoteric explanation...and she just irritates me. She says things like, "No, that is wrong, this is right, you can't say that, and no, it didn't happen like that". I have recognized that this really puts up walls for me...I resist the education b/c she is so adamant that I have to accept it. The hell I do! And yet I am here to learn and be open to new ideas.
It just irritates me b/c I should be able to accept things at my own pace...not at hers. At least she is just another student, not one of the instructors. I'm not sure you could get her to admit that though. Anyway - you can see that I am having a few issues. AND - I am damn tired of living in someone else's house and not having any space of my own. There is simply no place for me to go that I can be by myself and it is exhausting me. If I am to move down here, it will have to be in space that is my own. I cannot share with someone else, especially if it is within their own living space.
Ok - I am done whining. Overload does that to me. 3 more days and Little Bit and I go home. Praise God.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
What Happens Now?
I talked with the Dean - she is really an awesome woman. She is a major part of why I like this place...she is a fantastic teacher, will be a good mentor, and is multi-talented. So we talked about the job and it is undecided. She still needs to interview other people and see who might be the best fit for the job. I told her I wasn't necessarily "called" to the job, but that I was called to live in this community. I mentioned my desire to know how a seminary works, how I think the networking would be good for my future, and just to live in this community would be an education in itself. I offered to do whatever they needed...be registrar for the month of May until they can find someone more computer qualified than me - or be the Dean's assistant, in whatever capacity she needs.
My flexibility is attractive. My computer skills are not...and, if I am in seminary, going to class and doing the job could be a challenge. So we left it open. She may need me to fill in for May...the current registrar is done at the end of April...and then who knows?
I hafta say I am relieved. I am truly not attracted to the job, I'm attracted to the place. I want to help, but not sure the job of registrar is my best avenue. I already miss my porch and my flowers. I love my house...but I have put it out there - and prayed extensively about this, that I will be used in whatever way I can do the most good.
We also talked about me doing some marketing. LOL - as much as I hated marketing for Holistic Fitness...doing some basic things for Sancta Sophia sounds like fun. Especially in St. Louis where I know everybody:) Who knows...maybe something will open up there:)
It's really odd to interview for a job and not be attatched to the job. I truly want them to get a really good person for this position and I want to help. I'm also not sure I'm quite ready to leave my house. Can you believe I was already missing my porch and flowers?
My flexibility is attractive. My computer skills are not...and, if I am in seminary, going to class and doing the job could be a challenge. So we left it open. She may need me to fill in for May...the current registrar is done at the end of April...and then who knows?
I hafta say I am relieved. I am truly not attracted to the job, I'm attracted to the place. I want to help, but not sure the job of registrar is my best avenue. I already miss my porch and my flowers. I love my house...but I have put it out there - and prayed extensively about this, that I will be used in whatever way I can do the most good.
We also talked about me doing some marketing. LOL - as much as I hated marketing for Holistic Fitness...doing some basic things for Sancta Sophia sounds like fun. Especially in St. Louis where I know everybody:) Who knows...maybe something will open up there:)
It's really odd to interview for a job and not be attatched to the job. I truly want them to get a really good person for this position and I want to help. I'm also not sure I'm quite ready to leave my house. Can you believe I was already missing my porch and flowers?
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Move to Oklahoma?? Take the job as registrar?
My brother John thinks it would be a great opportunity, Katie has serious reservations, and I just haven't gotten to yes...but I think I will. The pros are the professional opportunity that this job would provide. I would see the inner workings of a seminary, get to know many teachers and students, and be immersed in this community of environmentally active, spiritual seekers. The birds are also REALLY awesome, because there are so many trees around! This week in the middle of spring has been quite pretty, although I understand their summers can be very hot and dry.
The downside is that I would leave my house, my friends, my Alanon group and my team of healers. I might not see as much of Katie, although I can't plan on seeing her if I stay in St. Louis. Missing her is something I have to deal with no matter what. If I move here, I will have to pack stuff up and move - which I intensely dislike, and maybe even rent or sell my house if I like it here. I already miss my deck and screened-in porch, but I can't make a decision because of a screened-in porch! Can I?
Sometimes it seems like it is the next step in my adventure of life. I mean, these people are just as wierd and woowoo as I am, I would be living in their community and getting exposed to all these spiritual concepts on a regular basis, and I would be making professional contacts for my future with an MDiv. I would be gaining professional knowledge that would help me if I decide to teach, and this Dean has 15 years of experience as pastor of a church.
Then at other times I think, "I can't work 30 hours a week behind a desk!" I mean - I haven't worked 30 hours a week behind a desk ever! Holifit -I did so many things, and before that I was in physical therapy where I was always physically moving. Plus this job will require me to learn new stuff on the computer! I guess that's good and bad. There's also that thing of working for somebody else. It's been a LONG time since I was anything but a boss. Altho I learned more about getting along with people as a boss, than I did as an employee. Did I ever tell you about getting fired 5 times? No? Well, another time. suffice it to say, my history makes me nervous.
The Dean has suggested that I try it for 90 days...that's the legal requirement anyway...and if it doesn't work, I just move back to St. Louis. What's not to like with that option? Well, what if I muck up my relationship with the Dean? and I will be keeping the records of all my fellow students...that could be awkward...
Well, I could create all kinds of horrible scenarios...but the truth is I think I want to do this. The only thing holding me back are my house and Katie...and Katie isn't even an issue until November or December! Leaving my house empty for 3 months kinda sucks...and do you think I could get all my flower pots down here? with the flowers still alive?
Oh - there's the faith thing. Isn't God supposed to tell me in no uncertain terms? I'm going to continue listening and having faith that I am on the right path. Surely I would hear a "no", even if I don't recognize the "yes"! AND - what an honor that they even ask me! I am very complimented:)
Hey - and thanks for listening:)
The downside is that I would leave my house, my friends, my Alanon group and my team of healers. I might not see as much of Katie, although I can't plan on seeing her if I stay in St. Louis. Missing her is something I have to deal with no matter what. If I move here, I will have to pack stuff up and move - which I intensely dislike, and maybe even rent or sell my house if I like it here. I already miss my deck and screened-in porch, but I can't make a decision because of a screened-in porch! Can I?
Sometimes it seems like it is the next step in my adventure of life. I mean, these people are just as wierd and woowoo as I am, I would be living in their community and getting exposed to all these spiritual concepts on a regular basis, and I would be making professional contacts for my future with an MDiv. I would be gaining professional knowledge that would help me if I decide to teach, and this Dean has 15 years of experience as pastor of a church.
Then at other times I think, "I can't work 30 hours a week behind a desk!" I mean - I haven't worked 30 hours a week behind a desk ever! Holifit -I did so many things, and before that I was in physical therapy where I was always physically moving. Plus this job will require me to learn new stuff on the computer! I guess that's good and bad. There's also that thing of working for somebody else. It's been a LONG time since I was anything but a boss. Altho I learned more about getting along with people as a boss, than I did as an employee. Did I ever tell you about getting fired 5 times? No? Well, another time. suffice it to say, my history makes me nervous.
The Dean has suggested that I try it for 90 days...that's the legal requirement anyway...and if it doesn't work, I just move back to St. Louis. What's not to like with that option? Well, what if I muck up my relationship with the Dean? and I will be keeping the records of all my fellow students...that could be awkward...
Well, I could create all kinds of horrible scenarios...but the truth is I think I want to do this. The only thing holding me back are my house and Katie...and Katie isn't even an issue until November or December! Leaving my house empty for 3 months kinda sucks...and do you think I could get all my flower pots down here? with the flowers still alive?
Oh - there's the faith thing. Isn't God supposed to tell me in no uncertain terms? I'm going to continue listening and having faith that I am on the right path. Surely I would hear a "no", even if I don't recognize the "yes"! AND - what an honor that they even ask me! I am very complimented:)
Hey - and thanks for listening:)
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