I have been in such a quandary since getting back from seminary this time. A multitude of things. First, the instructors didn't keep the class under control and it became an "unsafe" place to have doubts, ask questions and not "go with the esoteric flow". Then I stayed with persnickety people who didn't tell me what they expected, but got upset if I didn't do things the way they wanted. I've never been that good at mind-reading! Lesson 1 - get my own place!
Third...the material is disconcerting. So, just read this and suspend your judgement so that this blog is not 30 minutes long with explanation. Let's just say the Old Testament is myth. It's a bunch of stories that somebody (ok - several somebodies) thought were important. Very few of any of the stories or books of the Bible were written by the name of the book...so back to that basic conjecture...the OT is myth.
So, holy shit, that's kind of a big deal. So if that is true - what does it do to my faith? (or yours?) Let's also go with the assertion, that just b/c a story is not factual, does not make it not true. So if the Bible is myth...with truth, even inspiring truth...the bottom line? I get to decide what is true for me, what inspires me and what doesn't work for me!
Religious leaders? They should always be judged as human, fallible, possibly gifted...but no different than someone who is good at math or music. Then each individual is required to discern what works for them, rather than swallow everything- "hook, line, and sinker"! Then when Jesus says, "...and greater works than these shall ye do..." it becomes a little more feasible...b/c we don't truly know what Jesus did, only what other people wrote about him YEARS! later.
How about Mary Baker Eddy? Fallible. Much of her inspiration was from a guy named Quimby. Does that take away from her healing the sick and raising the dead? Not if you see her as human, with a gift that she discerns for herself. Each religious leader as I see it, is gifted, fallible and have a VERY strong and charismatic personality. What we need to be careful of is thinking they can't be wrong, or human, or judging them with a "right or wrong" lens and nothing in between.
Religion emerges from a culture. It's language and it's symbols. If that religion survives, then the people in that religion, see their life through the lens of that religion. Just like the first 5 years of your life and what you absorbed, can't be erased from your DNA and how you respond to things...so do you see things through the religion you were raised in...even if you have changed religions.
Ok - these are my musings for today. They probably make no sense except to me. If you want to read the book that is helping me to clarify this mess...read Marcus Borg, "Reading the Bible Again for the First Time...Taking the Bible too seriously to take it literally". It's awesome.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
TMI
Literally. Too much information. Last week was Esoteric Spirituality. This week is deconstructing the Old Testament. Did you know that much of the OT may be myth and myth only? Not just Adam and Eve...but much of what we know about Abraham, Joseph, David, Solomon etc. It's possible that none of it happened, but has been interpreted by our Christian lens to be true. It is said that Judaism, Christianity, and Islam all came from Abraham...but they can't prove it.
What about the Exodus story? 600,000 people wandering thro the desert for 40 years. No signs. No proof. What does it do to your faith if none of it is true? What if the 1st 5 books of the Bible were made up as teaching lessons to make certain points? If you want to watch the PBS documentary that we watched today on what they know to be true of the OT, you can either download it on Itunes or get it thro PBS. "Buried Secrets of the Bible", NOVA, PBS.
Then there is the Esoteric explanation for everything. Sorta like metaphysical, but different. Suffice it to say, my brain is reeling. It's like 3 different tracks running in my head...1) What if none of it is true, but all myth? 2) What if some of it is true, but not all...and I have to decide what is true for me? and 3) Esoterically, that there are "ages" as in Taurus, Pisces and Aquarian ages, that decipher much of what happened?
So the Esoteric belief system is "out there" - but makes a lot of sense in some ways. The problem is that most people here already have adopted it as part of their faith. There is one woman in particular who is "religious right" in her belief of the Esoteric explanation...and she just irritates me. She says things like, "No, that is wrong, this is right, you can't say that, and no, it didn't happen like that". I have recognized that this really puts up walls for me...I resist the education b/c she is so adamant that I have to accept it. The hell I do! And yet I am here to learn and be open to new ideas.
It just irritates me b/c I should be able to accept things at my own pace...not at hers. At least she is just another student, not one of the instructors. I'm not sure you could get her to admit that though. Anyway - you can see that I am having a few issues. AND - I am damn tired of living in someone else's house and not having any space of my own. There is simply no place for me to go that I can be by myself and it is exhausting me. If I am to move down here, it will have to be in space that is my own. I cannot share with someone else, especially if it is within their own living space.
Ok - I am done whining. Overload does that to me. 3 more days and Little Bit and I go home. Praise God.
What about the Exodus story? 600,000 people wandering thro the desert for 40 years. No signs. No proof. What does it do to your faith if none of it is true? What if the 1st 5 books of the Bible were made up as teaching lessons to make certain points? If you want to watch the PBS documentary that we watched today on what they know to be true of the OT, you can either download it on Itunes or get it thro PBS. "Buried Secrets of the Bible", NOVA, PBS.
Then there is the Esoteric explanation for everything. Sorta like metaphysical, but different. Suffice it to say, my brain is reeling. It's like 3 different tracks running in my head...1) What if none of it is true, but all myth? 2) What if some of it is true, but not all...and I have to decide what is true for me? and 3) Esoterically, that there are "ages" as in Taurus, Pisces and Aquarian ages, that decipher much of what happened?
So the Esoteric belief system is "out there" - but makes a lot of sense in some ways. The problem is that most people here already have adopted it as part of their faith. There is one woman in particular who is "religious right" in her belief of the Esoteric explanation...and she just irritates me. She says things like, "No, that is wrong, this is right, you can't say that, and no, it didn't happen like that". I have recognized that this really puts up walls for me...I resist the education b/c she is so adamant that I have to accept it. The hell I do! And yet I am here to learn and be open to new ideas.
It just irritates me b/c I should be able to accept things at my own pace...not at hers. At least she is just another student, not one of the instructors. I'm not sure you could get her to admit that though. Anyway - you can see that I am having a few issues. AND - I am damn tired of living in someone else's house and not having any space of my own. There is simply no place for me to go that I can be by myself and it is exhausting me. If I am to move down here, it will have to be in space that is my own. I cannot share with someone else, especially if it is within their own living space.
Ok - I am done whining. Overload does that to me. 3 more days and Little Bit and I go home. Praise God.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
What Happens Now?
I talked with the Dean - she is really an awesome woman. She is a major part of why I like this place...she is a fantastic teacher, will be a good mentor, and is multi-talented. So we talked about the job and it is undecided. She still needs to interview other people and see who might be the best fit for the job. I told her I wasn't necessarily "called" to the job, but that I was called to live in this community. I mentioned my desire to know how a seminary works, how I think the networking would be good for my future, and just to live in this community would be an education in itself. I offered to do whatever they needed...be registrar for the month of May until they can find someone more computer qualified than me - or be the Dean's assistant, in whatever capacity she needs.
My flexibility is attractive. My computer skills are not...and, if I am in seminary, going to class and doing the job could be a challenge. So we left it open. She may need me to fill in for May...the current registrar is done at the end of April...and then who knows?
I hafta say I am relieved. I am truly not attracted to the job, I'm attracted to the place. I want to help, but not sure the job of registrar is my best avenue. I already miss my porch and my flowers. I love my house...but I have put it out there - and prayed extensively about this, that I will be used in whatever way I can do the most good.
We also talked about me doing some marketing. LOL - as much as I hated marketing for Holistic Fitness...doing some basic things for Sancta Sophia sounds like fun. Especially in St. Louis where I know everybody:) Who knows...maybe something will open up there:)
It's really odd to interview for a job and not be attatched to the job. I truly want them to get a really good person for this position and I want to help. I'm also not sure I'm quite ready to leave my house. Can you believe I was already missing my porch and flowers?
My flexibility is attractive. My computer skills are not...and, if I am in seminary, going to class and doing the job could be a challenge. So we left it open. She may need me to fill in for May...the current registrar is done at the end of April...and then who knows?
I hafta say I am relieved. I am truly not attracted to the job, I'm attracted to the place. I want to help, but not sure the job of registrar is my best avenue. I already miss my porch and my flowers. I love my house...but I have put it out there - and prayed extensively about this, that I will be used in whatever way I can do the most good.
We also talked about me doing some marketing. LOL - as much as I hated marketing for Holistic Fitness...doing some basic things for Sancta Sophia sounds like fun. Especially in St. Louis where I know everybody:) Who knows...maybe something will open up there:)
It's really odd to interview for a job and not be attatched to the job. I truly want them to get a really good person for this position and I want to help. I'm also not sure I'm quite ready to leave my house. Can you believe I was already missing my porch and flowers?
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Move to Oklahoma?? Take the job as registrar?
My brother John thinks it would be a great opportunity, Katie has serious reservations, and I just haven't gotten to yes...but I think I will. The pros are the professional opportunity that this job would provide. I would see the inner workings of a seminary, get to know many teachers and students, and be immersed in this community of environmentally active, spiritual seekers. The birds are also REALLY awesome, because there are so many trees around! This week in the middle of spring has been quite pretty, although I understand their summers can be very hot and dry.
The downside is that I would leave my house, my friends, my Alanon group and my team of healers. I might not see as much of Katie, although I can't plan on seeing her if I stay in St. Louis. Missing her is something I have to deal with no matter what. If I move here, I will have to pack stuff up and move - which I intensely dislike, and maybe even rent or sell my house if I like it here. I already miss my deck and screened-in porch, but I can't make a decision because of a screened-in porch! Can I?
Sometimes it seems like it is the next step in my adventure of life. I mean, these people are just as wierd and woowoo as I am, I would be living in their community and getting exposed to all these spiritual concepts on a regular basis, and I would be making professional contacts for my future with an MDiv. I would be gaining professional knowledge that would help me if I decide to teach, and this Dean has 15 years of experience as pastor of a church.
Then at other times I think, "I can't work 30 hours a week behind a desk!" I mean - I haven't worked 30 hours a week behind a desk ever! Holifit -I did so many things, and before that I was in physical therapy where I was always physically moving. Plus this job will require me to learn new stuff on the computer! I guess that's good and bad. There's also that thing of working for somebody else. It's been a LONG time since I was anything but a boss. Altho I learned more about getting along with people as a boss, than I did as an employee. Did I ever tell you about getting fired 5 times? No? Well, another time. suffice it to say, my history makes me nervous.
The Dean has suggested that I try it for 90 days...that's the legal requirement anyway...and if it doesn't work, I just move back to St. Louis. What's not to like with that option? Well, what if I muck up my relationship with the Dean? and I will be keeping the records of all my fellow students...that could be awkward...
Well, I could create all kinds of horrible scenarios...but the truth is I think I want to do this. The only thing holding me back are my house and Katie...and Katie isn't even an issue until November or December! Leaving my house empty for 3 months kinda sucks...and do you think I could get all my flower pots down here? with the flowers still alive?
Oh - there's the faith thing. Isn't God supposed to tell me in no uncertain terms? I'm going to continue listening and having faith that I am on the right path. Surely I would hear a "no", even if I don't recognize the "yes"! AND - what an honor that they even ask me! I am very complimented:)
Hey - and thanks for listening:)
The downside is that I would leave my house, my friends, my Alanon group and my team of healers. I might not see as much of Katie, although I can't plan on seeing her if I stay in St. Louis. Missing her is something I have to deal with no matter what. If I move here, I will have to pack stuff up and move - which I intensely dislike, and maybe even rent or sell my house if I like it here. I already miss my deck and screened-in porch, but I can't make a decision because of a screened-in porch! Can I?
Sometimes it seems like it is the next step in my adventure of life. I mean, these people are just as wierd and woowoo as I am, I would be living in their community and getting exposed to all these spiritual concepts on a regular basis, and I would be making professional contacts for my future with an MDiv. I would be gaining professional knowledge that would help me if I decide to teach, and this Dean has 15 years of experience as pastor of a church.
Then at other times I think, "I can't work 30 hours a week behind a desk!" I mean - I haven't worked 30 hours a week behind a desk ever! Holifit -I did so many things, and before that I was in physical therapy where I was always physically moving. Plus this job will require me to learn new stuff on the computer! I guess that's good and bad. There's also that thing of working for somebody else. It's been a LONG time since I was anything but a boss. Altho I learned more about getting along with people as a boss, than I did as an employee. Did I ever tell you about getting fired 5 times? No? Well, another time. suffice it to say, my history makes me nervous.
The Dean has suggested that I try it for 90 days...that's the legal requirement anyway...and if it doesn't work, I just move back to St. Louis. What's not to like with that option? Well, what if I muck up my relationship with the Dean? and I will be keeping the records of all my fellow students...that could be awkward...
Well, I could create all kinds of horrible scenarios...but the truth is I think I want to do this. The only thing holding me back are my house and Katie...and Katie isn't even an issue until November or December! Leaving my house empty for 3 months kinda sucks...and do you think I could get all my flower pots down here? with the flowers still alive?
Oh - there's the faith thing. Isn't God supposed to tell me in no uncertain terms? I'm going to continue listening and having faith that I am on the right path. Surely I would hear a "no", even if I don't recognize the "yes"! AND - what an honor that they even ask me! I am very complimented:)
Hey - and thanks for listening:)
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Signs and Symbols
Why was I in that wierd space before this week of seminary? I just don't know...but I was actually sort of pissed on the drive down here. Once I got here, I became a little concerned, b/c it felt like everyone was into Esoteric Christianity, and that I would have to adopt that as my new belief system...except I just wasn't ready to do that. That's when i saw the Pilated Woodpecker, the Blue Jay and all the vultures.
Symbolically, (see Animal Speak) the woodpecker is about seeing things clearly. It's black and white coloring symbolize being able to cross between the physical and spiritual, while it's red head is about mental analysis and inspiration.
The Blue Jay is about using your personal power properly and allowing others to use their power. The vultures are about restoring harmony, purification and the ability to ride the thermals...or use the power available to you, effectively.
What this all meant to me, was to allow myself my own belief system...while at the same time, learning from others. It all seems very applicable to being in seminary. There are lots of strong beliefs here - and while I want to be open and learn lots of new spiritual information...I don't want to just go with any concept that someone tries to push. The greatest gift is discernment. I'm guessing I will get to adjust to that concept many, many times.
And btw - I was offered the job of registrar here. I'm thinking very seriously about moving to Oklahoma. The birds are awesome! and think of all the money I would save in gas! More later.
Symbolically, (see Animal Speak) the woodpecker is about seeing things clearly. It's black and white coloring symbolize being able to cross between the physical and spiritual, while it's red head is about mental analysis and inspiration.
The Blue Jay is about using your personal power properly and allowing others to use their power. The vultures are about restoring harmony, purification and the ability to ride the thermals...or use the power available to you, effectively.
What this all meant to me, was to allow myself my own belief system...while at the same time, learning from others. It all seems very applicable to being in seminary. There are lots of strong beliefs here - and while I want to be open and learn lots of new spiritual information...I don't want to just go with any concept that someone tries to push. The greatest gift is discernment. I'm guessing I will get to adjust to that concept many, many times.
And btw - I was offered the job of registrar here. I'm thinking very seriously about moving to Oklahoma. The birds are awesome! and think of all the money I would save in gas! More later.
Monday, April 11, 2011
The New Tahlequah
It's been a month since I last posted. How time flies. Since I haven't heard from any of you, have you missed my blog? My enthusiasm has waned a bit, but I have been in a very wierd space for the last coupla weeks. Still don't know what it was all about - you would think being on an Olivia cruise would put me in a very good place...but it just didn't. A friend described it as very "surface" - and other than the friend Sherri, that I met - I would agree with that assessment.
I was also missing Katie - and a little annoyed that I was leaving as she was getting home. The good news is that she had a wonderful trip in Israel and made notes to be sure she told me all the funny stories. My daughter is delightful, and we did have a wonderful 4 days when I got home. It's never enough time - but it wouldn't be enough time if she lived with me. I know parents that complain when their children move home... but Katie can live with me anytime!
So I am now back in Tahlequah, taking my 2nd class in seminary. Esoteric Christianity. Today was just setting the foundation of what was going on in Jesus time. We talked about who actually wrote the gospels, who they were writing to and when they were written. Puts a whole new slant on things. For instance - the authors of Matthew, Mark and Luke are "unknown"! Only John is considered a known quantity...and he also wrote Revelations.
One thing pointed out today, that had never occurred to me before...(duh) - was how "into" Jesus lineage everyone was. Remember all the "begats" in Matthew? Referring some 14 generations, 3 different times...except...wasn't Jesus a virgin birth? So who cares what his lineage was? Except of course, scholars don't believe in a virgin birth...silly us. FYI - virgin is not about sex, but about purity of purpose, "power in the path". I know, I know...I will at least be in good company when I am burned at the stake.
So on to more entertaining subjects. Little Bit is having the time of her life! I am staying near the seminary with a family who lives in the country. LB just runs and runs...showing off her speed and joy. I, however, wasn't so joyful, when she came back with chicken poop all over her back. What is it with dogs and needing to roll in disgusting things? She wasn't so happy with the bath - but since she is sleeping with me here...it had to be done. eeww The real question...will she be willing to sleep in the basement when we get home?
I was also missing Katie - and a little annoyed that I was leaving as she was getting home. The good news is that she had a wonderful trip in Israel and made notes to be sure she told me all the funny stories. My daughter is delightful, and we did have a wonderful 4 days when I got home. It's never enough time - but it wouldn't be enough time if she lived with me. I know parents that complain when their children move home... but Katie can live with me anytime!
So I am now back in Tahlequah, taking my 2nd class in seminary. Esoteric Christianity. Today was just setting the foundation of what was going on in Jesus time. We talked about who actually wrote the gospels, who they were writing to and when they were written. Puts a whole new slant on things. For instance - the authors of Matthew, Mark and Luke are "unknown"! Only John is considered a known quantity...and he also wrote Revelations.
One thing pointed out today, that had never occurred to me before...(duh) - was how "into" Jesus lineage everyone was. Remember all the "begats" in Matthew? Referring some 14 generations, 3 different times...except...wasn't Jesus a virgin birth? So who cares what his lineage was? Except of course, scholars don't believe in a virgin birth...silly us. FYI - virgin is not about sex, but about purity of purpose, "power in the path". I know, I know...I will at least be in good company when I am burned at the stake.
So on to more entertaining subjects. Little Bit is having the time of her life! I am staying near the seminary with a family who lives in the country. LB just runs and runs...showing off her speed and joy. I, however, wasn't so joyful, when she came back with chicken poop all over her back. What is it with dogs and needing to roll in disgusting things? She wasn't so happy with the bath - but since she is sleeping with me here...it had to be done. eeww The real question...will she be willing to sleep in the basement when we get home?
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